rigel coda: A ?Gay? Man's Dilemma | Enlightened Male2000

Do Gay Men Turn Straight?

The? following question came by email recently.

Hi Martin ? Thank you for sharing your experiences and providing some interesting reading. I have had relationships with men since I was 16. During my teenage years I would have said that I was attracted to both sexes, but always seemed to go back to men because I felt comfortable with them. In my 20?s I identified as being gay and came out. I have been in several gay relationships and have never questioned my sexuality until I turned 30 and started to become sexually attracted to woman. I experimented with porn and I found myself excited watching straight sex. At the same time I was also thinking that I have always wanted to be a father and have a family, and I was getting to the age I would like to do this. I have never had a relationship with a woman, and I have only had a brief sexual encounter when I was younger that did not work for me.

So I decided to make sure that I could become sexually aroused and that all the bits and pieces worked. As I have never really approached a woman, and did not want to get into a relationship, nor would I know how to. Additionally I am in a relationship with a man. So I decided to visit a sex worker. It was a highly liberating experience. I could not describe the intensity. It felt natural and just right more so than being with a man. I walked away thinking I want to be with a woman, and in a relationship. My penis felt like it was in the right space, I had huge amounts of pre-cum, breasts were beautiful, and I think I could play with a vagina all day long. I have a serious dilemma now and don?t know how to feel, what to do. My friends think I am gay, my partner is a male, did I come out too quickly, why would this all be happening now, how many guys go from gay to straight, and if I was to change how do I tell a woman who I have been with in the past. Any thoughts? The Response:

I don?t think you have gone from gay to straight. You clearly seem to be bisexual, which a lot of gay men don?t believe exist. It does. For most men, bisexuals included, the desire for a traditional life with a family falls in the natural order of things. As powerful, natural and dynamic as homosexual love is, for many it leaves something missing, namely fatherhood. Additionally, many men recognize the unique characteristics of a woman?s love, which few of us truly understand but know exists. The right woman for you has the capacity to love you so unconditionally that you will be utterly smitten and devoted for life.

So the key words here are the right woman. Many women can accept the fact you are bisexual and have led a gay life in the past. What she can?t abide is dishonesty. When she comes along in your life (you may have to search for her aggressively), you have to find the right time to be honest with her. Not the first date, but certainly long before the two of you begin to fall in love with each other. Her position on the subject will then be the ground work for your life from then on if you end up in marriage. She may be open to your sexuality, recognizing the fact that you?ll one day feel the tug for a physical relationship for a man, and she may give you a certain amount of personal freedom. Or she may accept your past, believing you will for now on be 100% monogamous. Either way, or any scenario in between, the ball will be in your court to live by the rules you both agree to.

You might try bisexual dating sites. A bi-girl will understand you in a way a straight woman will not, though a straight woman can have an amazing degree of flexibility.

Thanks for writing. Your situation is not all that uncommon. There are many gay and bisexual men in traditional marriages. ? Martin

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